To Everyone I Love: What ADHD Really Feels Like

Whether you’re a woman living with ADHD or someone who loves and supports her, this blog is for you. ADHD often hides behind layers of shame, overwhelm, and self-doubt – especially for women who’ve spent years masking their struggles to fit into a world that wasn’t built for their brains.

This blog is something deeply personal – a heartfelt letter to those I love. It’s my way of reaching past the stumbled words and letting you glimpse what ADHD feels like from the inside. How it shapes my emotions, motivation, energy and sense of self. How it leaves its fingerprints on every part of my day. I also share what it’s like to grow up in a neurotypical world, where the rules never quite matched how my brain worked, and how the echoes of that mismatch still affect me now.

Whether you’re reading this to feel less alone or to better understand someone close to you, I hope it offers insight, compassion, and a gentle reminder: you are OK – just as you are.

To Everyone I Love and Who Loves Me

I often struggle to say what ADHD really feels like. Sometimes the words just don’t land right, or I get tangled in trying to explain. This letter feels easier – softer somehow – a way to help you understand why I struggle in ways that don’t always make sense from the outside.

Living with ADHD isn’t just about distraction or forgetfulness. It runs deep – shaping my emotions, my sense of time, my energy levels, my relationships, my motivation, and my self-worth.

There are things I struggle with that might seem small or frustrating from the outside. But it’s not because I don’t care, and it’s never because I’m not trying. My brain is wired differently, and sometimes that makes life harder than it looks.

How my ADHD affects me

Forgetfulness & Time Blindness
I don’t forget things because they’re unimportant. ADHD affects my working memory – even when something really matters, I might still forget. Time feels slippery, like I can’t grasp it properly. Planning and estimating often feel like guesswork.

Task Paralysis & Procrastination
This isn’t about laziness. My brain has difficulty starting tasks, especially when they feel complicated, unfamiliar, or uninteresting. Even something small can feel mentally out of reach. I might genuinely want to get things done, but I often can’t access the part of my brain that helps me begin. It’s not a lack of motivation; it’s a neurological challenge that makes the process of starting feel much harder than it looks from the outside.

Roller Coaster Emotions
My feelings don’t arrive calmly – they crash in like waves. I can go from joyful to overwhelmed in no time. Small things can feel huge before I regain perspective. I know it’s intense. I wish I had more control.

Emotional Sensitivity (RSD)
Criticism feels painful, even when it’s gentle. Rejection – even imagined – hits hard. If I seem upset about something small, it’s not drama, it’s the way my brain processes threat and loss. It can feel unbearable.

Perfectionism & People-Pleasing
I often feel like I need to do things perfectly – or not at all. I try so hard to make others happy, sometimes at the expense of my own needs. It’s not people-pleasing for show – it’s the weight of having felt not-good-enough for so long.

Mental Hyperactivity & Exhaustion
My brain rarely rests. Thoughts dart and leap, making relaxation difficult. Some days I’m intensely focused, other days even simple tasks feel impossible. This inconsistency wears me down.

Hobby Hyperfocus & Drop-off
I get wildly excited about new hobbies. I dive in, research, invest… and then lose interest just as quickly. It’s not that I don’t care. My brain thrives on novelty, and when the dopamine dips, my energy does too.

Last-Minute Rush (The Dopamine/Stress Link)
I don’t procrastinate because I want to. I often can’t generate motivation until stress kicks in. That urgency unlocks the energy to act. It’s why I leave things late – it’s my brain’s way of jump-starting focus.

Inconsistency & Structure
I know routines would help. I crave them. But my brain resists sameness. Even when something works, sticking with it feels like swimming against the tide. I’m not flaky, I’m neurologically wired for change.

Simple Tasks, Big Overwhelm
Things like phone calls or emails can feel huge. Not because they’re hard – but because breaking them down into steps feels like navigating fog. It takes effort I can’t always summon.

Growing Up in a World That Didn’t Fit
School was brutal. Workplaces often are, too. They’re set up for minds that sit still, follow long instructions, stay on task. I spent years trying to mask my struggles and play along. Inside, I felt scattered, stupid and out of place. I wasn’t failing – but I thought I was. That mismatch etched deep lines into my self-esteem, and I still carry them.

ADHD and Depression
ADHD doesn’t travel alone – it often brings depression too. After years of feeling misunderstood and out of sync, the weight builds quietly. There’s a deep heaviness that settles in after trying too hard, for too long. It’s not weakness. It’s wear and tear. Depression shows up in the quiet moments between tasks I couldn’t start, or in the numbness after pushing past my limits. It deserves care – not shame.

ADHD and Self Esteem
I have spent years feeling stupid. No matter how hard I tried, I never felt good enough. I couldn’t explain why things were harder for me, why I was always behind, always apologising. I internalised the idea that I was broken in some way. The toll wasn’t just emotional, it shaped how I saw myself. It’s getting easier as I lean into self-compassion, but it can still run deep.

What I Need From You

Living with ADHD means navigating an invisible layer of effort that most people will never see. The struggle isn’t about lack of care or not trying hard enough – it’s about a brain that moves differently through the world. I’m learning, and trying to manage, but it’s still hard. Every day.

I don’t need fixing. I don’t want tiptoes. I just need you to understand that when I seem distant, slow, scattered or intense – it’s not personal. I’m doing my best, and some days, that’s all I have.

Your kindness means more than I can say. Encouragement helps me bloom. Criticism wilts me fast. Knowing I’m loved – even in my messiness – is life-changing.

I know my ADHD can feel confusing. I know it’s a lot. But thank you for holding space for me. For loving me in all my unpredictability.

And Finally… Please Talk To Me

Don’t hold back for fear of upsetting me. Share your feelings, your needs, your boundaries. Your emotions matter just as much. Let’s stay open, honest, imperfectly kind. We won’t get it perfect, but we’ll figure it out together.

Thank you for loving me as I am. You may never know just how much that means.

With love, Vicky x